Eyeshield 21 is a manga/anime that has comedy, football action, awesome characters, and (dare I say it?) no effeminate, perfect male models who remarkably can kick ass despite their spindly frames. In other words, no fangirl icons, baby! This wasn't even on my list of fictional universes that get invaded by Mary Sue self-inserts on a daily basis.
But you know what, the Internet just loves proving me wrong. I ask for the standard Eyeshield 21 fanfic and what did the Internet give me? Kyo, a quiet and tough girl being transferred to Deimon and becoming the head cheerleader of the Devilbats. But on their way to the Christmas Bowl, she falls in love with a certain devil. She finds it hard to keep up with him. Will she be loved? HirumaxOC. OC. Original character. Fuck you, Internet.
Written by Hiruma'sgirl101, Why is it So Hard to Love You? is a (very obvious) classic example of the Self-Insert Mary Sue fanfic. I mean, it contains so many aspects of the self-insert that it's almost a parody, or (for my purpose) an instruction manual on how to spot a self-insert. No wait, who am I kidding? We don't even need a manual 'coz it's too obvious.
Let's see what the summary has: description of a character who is not established in the series, is a transfer student, takes the position of a canon character, and falls in love with a canon character. Jeez, that's four symptoms already. In the summary. That doesn't bode well for my patience and sanity.
Quoted too frequently but not in its entirety, here's Why is it So Hard to Love You?
You know it's a Sue when the story's first four fucking paragraphs (FOUR!) describe the character in detail.(1) I'm serious, 'Kyo' is described in every detail including her bra size.
Okay, maybe not her bra size, but you get the point. No wait, read that shit for yourself.
Kyo, an average girl who is going to Deimon High soon, was at her home trying to figure something out. Kyo was actually being transferred to Deimon because of her behavior and attitude. According to the Deimon rules, transfer students must wear their previously school uniforms to school instead of the regular uniform. So meaning that instead of wearing the green uniform Deimon provides, Kyo is going to wear her school uniform from the school she went to before she got kicked out.
Official Deimon student: Haha! Look, it's that kicked out transfer student! You can tell from her against-the-standard uniform. Bitch doesn't even look like she studies here. Thinks she's special does she? Man, I wanna slap a bitch.
Now here's a thing about Kyo, she is a 2nd year student meaning that she is 17, she is very short tempered, and picks fights a lot. Kyo has chocolate brown eyes, black hair that reaches to her butt, lightly tanned skin, and has a nice figure to the guys. She also has four ear pierings, 2 on each ear. She hates perverts, jerks, show offs, and bitchy people.
What is this, a character profile? I thought this was a story! Goddammit-!
Most of the time, Kyo is training, reading, playing her guitar, singing secretly, dancing, playing DDR, doing gymnastics, and other things.
She can also fire dance, sky dive, drive motorcycles, and incapacitate a grown man using only a pencil. (2)
People say that she doesn't look smart but she very is smart. Just doesn't look like it. For school, Kyo wears her previous school uniform which is a white button up T-shirt/blouse, a black school mini skirt, white thigh high socks, and black high type of school shoes. When excising, she wears a black spaghetti tank top, black waterproof pants with 2 white strips going down the legs, white running shoes, and her hair is tied in a high ponytail. But when she’s not doing anything, she wears a black or white tube top, black slacks or pants or short shorts, wears black boots or high elevated platforms,--
She wears a stage?
--open toed heeled platforms or running shoes.
Kyo is independent but has a few friends. But rarely hangs out with them. Her parents are mostly gone so Kyo just watches herself.
So, uh, how does she pay for school?
But anyways, enough about Kyo right now, back to the story.
Kyo was just getting her school bag ready and setting things up. Her school bag wasn't like Deimon's tote bag types. It was like a regular hand bag but bigger and it has Kuromi (Sanrio cartoon) on it. Her room was neat unlike her parents. But her room was sorta small too. A regular queen sized bed, a nice organized desk, a walk in closet (one of the things in her room that was huge), a huge bathroom (another thing in her room that was huge), her guitar, a bookshelf, and some other junk.
The room's small but it has huge spaces. Cool. Wait, what?
And if this is a dorm room, I'm not buying it. Walk in closets, queen sized beds, and huge bathrooms? Yeah, right. If it's an apartment, I'm even more curious who pays for this kid's needs.
Kyo sighed as she was done packing up and set is on the chair next to her desk.
Without my interruptions, that's the story opening. See what I mean?
Oh, and the rest of the story isn't any better.
In 10 minutes, Kyo was done and went out to walk to Deimon High School. She sighed when she saw some other Deimon students. But they were official students, not transfer ones like Kyo.
So transfer students are made to dress differently (what are uniforms for if not to make everyone look part of the institution?), aren't given tote bags, and aren't officially enrolled. WHAT?
When she arrived to the classroom, the teacher started to talk.
"Class, this is Takahira Kyo. She transferred from a far off high school so please be friends with her. And Miss Takahira, why don't you tell us about yourself." the teacher explained and looked over to Kyo.
"My name is Takahira Kyo and there is nothing important that you need to know about me." Kyo said all monotone and not caring at all.
Teacher: This is our new transfer student from a far, far away land you obviously don't need to know about. Don't ever lend her a proper uniform or shit like that. Also, she's not an official student and is obviously different so treat her special. Special, you understand?
Kyo: Hi, I'm a bitch.
"Well I'm Anezeki Mamori and if you need anything, feel free to ask." Mamori greeted and told Kyo while Kyo just nodded. But what Kyo didn't know was that a certain devil was watching her. And that devil was obviously Hiruma Yoichi.
Obviously. *rolls eyes* (3) Somehow I doubt the devil quarterback is hatching something here. At least, not anything like his usual diabolical shemes. That's a bad sign...
During lunch, Mamori grabbed Kyo and went over to the football team. The Deimon Devilbats. Kyo didn't even care or respond and just let Mamori drag her over to the team.
What for? Why, so Kyo can be with her one twu wuv, the Deimon Devilbats quarterback, of course! It doesn't matter that Mamori usually doesn't just drag random people to practice, or that Kyo has nothing to do with the team whatsoever!
Hiruma just popped a bubble from his gum and looked over at Kyo. Kyo didn't even look and just sighed.
You just KNOW she'll be singing a different tune later.
"So you're the damn transfer student eh? Transferred only because of fights and other types of shit." Hiruma stated and Mamori gasped at her.
"WH-What?! Kyo-chan is this true?!" Mamori sounded shocked and the answer they got from Kyo was a simple nod.
"Kekeke...you got guts damn girl." Hiruma stated and Kyo just rolled her eyes. "Heard that you are also good with gymnastics so from now on, you're the head cheerleader in our football team!" Hiruma declared.
Hiruma: I'm usually too practical to think of recruiting girls that don't directly help the team like the fucking manager does, but what the heck, let's have a damn cheerleader!
Suzuna: Hey, I'M the self-proclaimed head cheerleader! When did everyone forget about me?
Looks like to Kyo, she just got herself into another mess but this time, she can't get out of it. Now she's a cheerleader? Hopefully the cheerleading outfits aren't as lame as her previous school's. That would be terrible if she had to wear a skirt. Now Kyo has to meet up with the Devilbats after school to see how well this goes.
After the first few paragraphs, I already lost hope that this will go well. Yet somehow, I'm disappointed the writer didn’t write past chapter one. I was hoping for at least a couple more chapters before I have to chug a couple of pints of beer. And I'd love an excuse to drink right about now...
Eherm. Numbered lines. Right.
(1) Describing a self-insert (in detail) in the first few paragraphs is common. It's a big no-no. A story's beginning is important in capturing the attention of the readers, and dumping that much information on a character like a profile is not the way to do it. A character should be introduced through his/her actions and speech, not through a goddamn exposition bomb in the beginning (or in the middle, or anywhere for that matter).
(2) Be careful about giving your characters too many skills. Being skillful is okay, but first ask yourself the following questions: Does it even make sense to know all those things? How the hell did she come to learn so much?
(3) Because she's so special, everyone just notices her immediately. I hate it when that happens.
So that's about it, unfortunately, unless Hiruma'sgirl decides to write more...
Oh shit, I'm not supposed to encourage this! Hmm...okay. Mary Sue self-inserts are bad. We all made them when we were kids, but continuing to write them is pathetic. No decent writer would want to stay at such an infantile writing stage.
Now excuse me while I get a drink.
This isn't the first time a manga was adapted into both a Chinese/Taiwanese series and a Japanese one. However, this IS the first time I’ve watched both versions for the purpose of comparison, mainly because the people I asked about them had varied recommendations (and reasons for them). Curiosity naturally kicked in so I watched Hana Kimi (also called Hanazakari no Kimitachi e) in both its Taiwanese and Japanese adaptations to see for myself which one was more worth my time.
Complete objectivity is impossible in this case since people have their own tastes and I had to watch one first before the other. To minimize bias, each drama was analyzed by setting, story, and characters.
The Setting
Taiwan’s Ying Kai all boys’ school is, in a way, more realistic. It has (relatively) normal students with your usual school problems and the usual school activities. The class is noisy, rowdy, and inattentive—what you would expect of a class full of boys. It’s normal and boring besides the occasional conflict or classroom shenanigan, but that’s how life is for most people.
In complete contrast, Osaka Academy of the Japanese adaptation is chock full of crazy. You’ve got weirdos in capes, spiritualists, a barely competent school director, spirit possessions, random cartoony, reality-bending feats…the list goes on. For a western-like all boys’ school, it’s pretty wild. This is good for a comedy, but most of the time the humorous exploits only interrupt the story flow because you have to pause for a moment and ask, ‘What?’. Both dramas were going for a light-hearted, fun environment though and succeeded, so I call it a tie.
The Plot
Japan gets this one, hands down. I mentioned Ying Kai was more realistic, but when you look at premise and main story outline, the Japanese adaptation has more acceptable character motivations (the reason certain characters act or feel). Even if it has half a dozen filler sub-plots, the main story is engaging and believable in its situations. Not to mention the Japanese version has a satisfying ending. On the other hand, the Taiwan version’s slower pacing and predictable, repetitive plot gets boring fast.
Special Category: Comedy and Drama
Both series are essentially comedy romances. In cases like this, I like to look at the comic and dramatic elements more closely.
The Taiwanese adaptation is definitely comic without going overboard with the craziness. The only things overdone with this are the acting and facial expressions, which isn’t a problem (except for a couple of characters). The romance, though, has a flaw. While there are more instances for the two leads to be in compromising, awkward, and romantic situations, the romantic/sexual tension seems forced and from the Big Book of Cliché Romantic Anime Scenes. The characters seem more like siblings, usually.
The relationship between the characters in the Japanese version is clearly romantic, but it’s mild and restrained, and I don’t see these two getting comfortable around each other too soon. It’s an awkward relationship, compared to the more relaxed one of the Taiwan version. For people who like to giggle at sweet moments, the Taiwanese version wins. However, for those who like a more vague, mildly romantic relationship, the Japanese one is for you. And I just happen to be one of the latter type.
I guess it just depends on a viewer’s taste. That goes for the comedy, too. The Taiwanese version has some clever, laugh-out-loud moments, but some are almost embarrassing to watch with an older person. But even worse is the Japanese version’s slapstick humor that is sometimes just too trippy and out there, so however annoying the Taiwanese humor can get, I’m going with the Taiwanese on this. Japan wins the Drama Award, though.
The Characters
This is the hardest part to judge, so let’s settle this with a character showdown.
([Taiwanese character] vs. [Japanese counterpart])
Liang Si Nan vs. Minami Nanba
At first glance Nan seems like the more competent dorm head, but later in the series Nanba shows how he CAN be responsible and he DOES lead and protect his schoolmates. He also is the bigger playboy, whereas Nan seems too much of the cool, narcissistic type, and those rarely ever get the girls. Nanba fits the character more perfectly. Also, Nanba-senpai can kick Senior Nan’s ass any time. Minami wins.
Japanese characters: 1
Taiwanese charcters: 0
Wang Tian Si vs. Megumi Tennouji
First off…what the fuck? MEGUMI? What the hell kind of name for a guy is Megumi?! …eherm. That aside, Tennouji is awesome. He kicks ass (literally, and on several occasions), and although he is still sometimes the muscled idiot he’s supposed to be, he still is competent as a dorm head and as a member of the sudent council. Tian Si just looks like an idiot, period. Tennouji, definitely.
Japanese characters: 2
Taiwanese charcters: 0
Oscar vs. Masao “Oscar” Himejima
The Taiwanese one doesn’t even have a real name, damn. With only a few seconds of screen time, I can’t judge him. Masao…is annoying. He’s supposed to be intelligent, even only in academic terms, but this idiot doesn’t look smart in the very least. Learned, but not smart. His over-acting just seems annoying and not funny. No one wins this one.
Japanese characters: 2
Taiwanese charcters: 0
Da Shu vs. Kayashima
This is a hard one. Da Shu is a more comic character with a somewhat more realistic take on the ‘spiritualist’ character (no exaggeration with him, just creepy ghost conversations and the ability to pop in out of nowhere). Kayashima is more serious and has more dimensions to his character and personality outside of being a teenage spirit chaser (probably because he has a bigger role). They’re equally creepy, but I’d like to say it’s a tie. They both fit the role quite nicely.
Japanese characters: 3
Taiwanese charcters: 1
Shen Le vs. Kagurazaka
Kagurazaka has more screen time, but rather then being the rival looking for a fight, his role is more of an observer, or as I call ‘em, “random guys who show up for no apparent reason but to say a couple of inconsequential lines”. The only thing he actually did in the series is to help get the Sano family together by inviting Sano over to his school, but the rest of the series he just hangs around (he hangs around Sano, specifically, which gives rise to the question of his sexuality especially after that kissing scene...). Not that Shen Le doesn’t hang around, of course. Shen Le has a more active role, though. He provokes and successfully pisses off both leads, serves as a mild threat to the female lead’s secret, and later becomes the ‘surprisingly nice guy’ who cheers the girl on. He also fits the role of the guy who looks, talks, and walks like a trouble-maker but is actually a passionate athlete. Shen Le gets this one.
Japanese characters: 3
Taiwanese charcters: 2
Yang Yang vs. Nakao
Ah, the gay kid who likes the Dorm 2 head. Yang Yang is more good looking (and a flamingly gay character), but Nakao has more depth to him and his…affection. I don’t want to give too many ties, so if I have to choose…Nakao wins.
Japanese characters: 4
Taiwanese charcters: 2
Lu Jing Xi vs. Ashiya Shizuki
Shizuki was more antagonistic and moved the plot rather than just stirred things. ‘Nuff said.
Japanese characters: 5
Taiwanese charcters: 2
Yuan Qui Ye vs. Akiha Hara
This one is tricky. Akiha is actually a combination of two roles (a woman and a bisexual), and has way more character interaction. So, I’ll divide this into two battles.
Yuan Qui Ye vs. Akiha Hara (the professional photographer role)
Yuan Qui Ye didn’t just stir things and gave problems, he pushed the plot (if slightly) forward. However, I like Akiha’s interaction with Umeda more. It’s a tie. Again. Damn my neutrality…
Japanese characters: 6
Taiwanese charcters: 3
Wu Wan Juan vs. Akiha Hara (the female reporter role)
For the crazy, obsessive reporter role? Definitely Wu Wan Juan.
Japanese characters: 6
Taiwanese charcters: 4
Quan vs. Sano Izumi
Sano is cool, cold, and better acted. He also has a more consistent personality. Even the fact that he kisses people when he’s drunk isn’t just an excuse for him to kiss the female lead; he actually kisses ANYBODY, and three people are shown to fall victim to him in the series. However, Quan has more weaknesses a normal person would have. He also looks like the type who is capable of actually warming up to people despite being irritable, and is a more likeable guy. He could use a bit more toughening up, but like I said, a more likeable character. Sorry, Sano.
Japanese characters: 6
Taiwanese charcters: 5
Xiu Yi vs. Nakatsu
Another hard one. I have to admit the difficulty only lies in the fact that I’m partial to Xiu Yi. I mean, COME ON. The guy is friggin’ adorable. Annoying as hell, but adorable, especially when he smiles. That monkey’s smile is infectious. Fangirling aside, though, he’s still a likeable character because of his liveliness and laid back personality. He’s also hyper and funny, and a perfect friend to have around (if he’s not embarrassing you). He also overreacts comically like his character requires, but that is sometimes a flaw to the character. Sometimes he emotes too much I just want him to shut up. It may be just because the actor is overacting, though. Still, you will sooner laugh at him (and his antics) than feel sorry for him. Nakatsu, though, is a character you will really feel sorry for. While he accepts his ‘homosexuality’ much faster than Xiu Yi (who spends several episodes agonizing over it), it also shows the…er….depth of his love. I can’t believe I typed that down…Anyway, it shows his decisiveness and the fact that he’s willing to be gay ‘coz he loves someone. Xiu Yi also showed that in his own way, which is…well…let’s say it’s much less discreet. And funny. The problem with comparing these two characters is that they were going for different images. Xiu Yi is the better comic, while Nakatsu is the better dramatic character. I guess this comes down to yet another tie. *dodges empty beer cans*
Japanese characters: 7
Taiwanese charcters: 6
Rui Xi vs. Mizuki
Mizuki’s actress will never pass for a guy. She’s likeable as a character, though, albeit mopey. She blames herself for almost everything and gets depressed a lot. Rui Xi has more spunk and attitude and is funny. She also could be easily called a guy. However, in the latter episodes Rui Xi’s character becomes more stupid, more of the ‘danzel in distress’ character whose weakness only serves to make her male lead save her from trouble she called upon herself. I wouldn’t mind her getting into trouble a lot if she can get herself out of it (or at least HELP), but when it’s always her knight in shining armor who comes to her rescue, she drops from the likeable character list.
Mizuki has a more ‘pure’ reason for leaving America (with no selfish or delusional fantasies, only an innocent goal) compared to Rui Xi’s fanaticism. The only reason I can even mildly like Rui Xi is because of her healthy relationship with Quan. That said, Mizuki definitely wins this one (though Rui Xi would win in a fist fight).
Japanese characters: 8
Taiwanese charcters: 6
Dr. Mei Tian vs. Dr. Umeda
Forget the main characters, THIS is the biggest showdown! The guys who played these roles are both very good actors. They’re both well-developed and consistent characters, both essential to the plot and both awesome characters. Umeda is not the gay stereotype. He hardly looks gay, really, if you ignore that episode where he grabbed a guy’s ass. It looks like he’s only gay because he hates women, or one specific woman who scarred him for life. That’s what it looks like, anyway, if the end does imply he’s gonna become straight. Mei Tian, on the other hand, is gay and damn proud of it. He’s not flamingly gay, but he is a more obvious homosexual than Umeda. He’s also a vain tease who loves to screw with people (they don’t call him “the Heartless” for nothing!). Mei Tian’s awesome, really. Taiwan’s cast gets two points just for having him!
Japanese characters: 8
Taiwanese charcters: 8
*dodges another barrage of beer cans*
Okay, okay. That was cheating. I just love Mei Tian too much…
Japanese characters: 8
Taiwanese charcters: 7
Now comes the final blow to the Taiwanese adaptation. The Japanese one had a lot of extra characters that, while unnecessary, added fun to the story. Also, the fact that everyone in the dorms got along well with each other (or at least interacted with each other), however unlikely in real life, is heartwarming (or cute, your pick of adjectives). Despite the HUGE cast, that was a lot of interaction outside a small group of friends or the love triangle. So, I add another point to the Japanese cast.
Japanese characters: 9
Taiwanese charcters: 7
Overall character showdown winner: Japanese
Winner?
Both dramas have their strengths and weaknesses. But when it comes down to it, it’s just all about taste. If you want a light-hearted comedy, go for the Taiwanese series. Or watch both. If you’re more concerned about story and drama, watch the Japanese one. I personally liked the Japanese one better, as evidenced by the results of this comparison—not that I don’t like the Taiwanese adaptation. I watched both without regret for wasted time, after all.
amused [ MOOD ]
I know I said this site was supposed to be for bashing fanfics, but I thought I might sneak in a review or two. Because I'm a complete amateur at this, I'll approach reviews in a story-characters-script/direction format. I'm not really one to comment on music, because I admittedly suck at that. In fact, I'm going to review this as if I'm going to review a novel, because that's what I'm used to.
-------------
If you're a Filipino and don't know what Resiklo is, you've probably been secluded from the rest of the world by your own parents because they think you're insane and have chained you to the toilet for the last ten years. But, for you, my psychologically challenged friend, I give a rundown of the year's most effects-heavy movie.
Resiklo is an Imus Productions bang baby, directed by Mark Reyes and produced by Annette Gozon-Abrogar and Vic del Rosario. Mark Reyes might sound familiar, as the guy directed Atlantica and Kamandag. He also did Mulawin: the Movie. Huh. So this guy is into fantasy and sci-fi. He might be the best bet, because this movie is a sci-fi movie and is so far the Philippines' best in special effects, after Exodus (another Bong Revilla Jr. movie). It's also a heavily advertised movie. Here's a trivia for you: in Bubble Gang, movie posters of Resiklo were on the backgrounds of the gags, and Bong mentioned the movie in a scene of his. Now I just had to watch this to see what it was like.
The Story
Aliens have decimated the planet, and humans struggle to survive as they live in hiding. It's a pretty simplistic, futuristic plot, and if I haven't watched similar premises (The Terminator, The Matrix), I would have thought this was cool. Well, it is, just not as cool now that I've seen the story before. Still, it makes for lots of well-placed drama and heroics. Aliens make good villains. Just look at Independence Day! What cut this movie short of being another Independence Day are the damn plot holes. Sometimes, you just don't know how the hell something happened, and how this character ended up in this place so fast. Plus, a lot of logic is lost in some of the fighting sequences, and you ask questions such as 'why did these people have to line up and get off their robots when they're about to go into battle?' and 'why waste lives and resources to fight when they're going to leave anyway?' Although there were some nice plot twists in there, it gets jarring when you stop and ask yourself why you should believe what's happening.
The Characters
In most Filipino action/adventure movies I've watched, I never like the characters. They end up being poorly developed and shallow, and some are just annoying. In Resiklo, there are some characters I liked.
Angelo (played by Dingdong Dantes) is a cool character with an interesting relationship with his father and peers, and badass fighting skills (I chuckled when he danced/fought ala-Christie and Eddy from Tekken). Capoeira? I wouldn't have thought of that. Though it disappoints me that there is no explanation on how Angelo learned it. Nevertheless, he was a cool character throughout, and the best part is, he never gets together with anyone. At least, not as a boyfriend, but as a plain friend. What I don't like, though, is the all-too-quick resolution of his family problems. Maybe the final scene with his father would have been made a few seconds longer, or maybe Angelo would have said more than something along the lines of "Of course I forgive you for not believing in me and insulting me in front of the whole compound."
The 'Boys', as I call them, are good characters too. These are the teenagers who hang with Angelo, and are played by Revilla's lads and Luis Alandy (I think). They make for funny comedy, and it's interesting to note that they kick alien ass at their age. I just wish they had more screen time, especially at the old gas station scene. How would boys like these react when under fire from aliens and one of them wounded? Also, didn't they care that one of their number died? Detail like that would've made the movie more exciting, and it would have given the movie more depth. Maybe we could see some believable and smooth character development in a Filipino adventure movie. That would be the day.
Paolo Contis plays Denz, and is one of the funniest characters in a Filipino adventure movie I've seen. Maybe it's because the comedy isn't about his stupidity or lame one-liners, but rather his over-all silliness. Denz is actually a pretty smart character, and is somewhat the mechanic of the group. Paolo Contis relies on his comedic talent for this character. Although he didn't have much character development, he had enough screen time. Probably second to Bong Revilla in screen time, I think.
For some reason, I like Dos (Bobby Andrews) and Deacon (Benjie Paras). Deacon's human side taking over his alien side may look unlikely, but like he said, "God had other plans for me." His changing sides was not only unexpected (at least to me) until a scene or two before it, but it brings hope that perhaps not all the Mutanos (humans whose wills and minds belong to the Balangs or aliens) have lost their humanity. Dos, on the other hand, I like because he's bad. Maybe I like him because of his 'rivalry' with Angelo. Also, out of all the characters, he's one of the few who actually have a personality. I just think maybe he might show his dislike for Angelo more in at least a few seconds before the actual battle, since Dos looks to me like a Mutano who shows emotion in the form of rage. That would have given his character a bit of depth (and, more screen time). Plus, he's hot. *drools*
...Sorry, that's my fangirl side talking. Back to the review.
There are a lot more characters here, including Crisval (Bong Revilla Jr.), but it'd render this article way too long. Besides, there's too much of Crisval in that movie for me to comment on. The guy has twice the amount of screen time as the other characters combined! ...Okay, that was an exaggeration, but it's pretty close to the truth. Sure, he's the main character and all, but they could have at least balanced it out by giving the other characters just as much love from the camera. I named a few that might have needed necessary character detail and development. *coughdoscough* Oh, fangirl again. Reeeeeally sorry about that. I can't help it.
Cinematography
In my opinion, Resiklo has one of the best cinematographies so far in this year's Metro Manila Film Festival, seconded by Batanes (which is a boring movie if not for the scenery). You just gotta admire the awesome CGI. That is, if you haven't been raised watching movies like Star Wars, Alien, the Predator, and Transformers. You kinda get disappointed when there isn't as much fighting as you'd hoped. They overlooked a detail, too: when the robots step on wet ground, there are no footprints left behind. While the fight between Crisval's robot and the head alien was wonderfully done, the last brawl between Angelo and Dos had left much to be desired. Suddenly, all the fighting around them disappears and we're left with a couple of pairs of guys fighting behind them. That just screams lazy. Or maybe they were cutting down on costs for the effects for their background.
Direction and Script
Average, to say the least. I'd say the great battlefield scene needed to show more people dying. Now I'm not one of those people who like a movie because of deaths. I hate gore horror movies and I didn't watch 300. It's just that it would have been more realistic to show that people actually died in that battle. No one from the good guys even got seriously injured. The worst injury was Ice's (or Strike's, I couldn't tell) leg, and that was only perhaps because Dr. Miles was slicing the wound and playing with it like a kid and her playdough (watch her hands in the scene where she treats the wound, and you'll know what I mean). Crisval's arm? Pfft. That's a flesh wound. He was cut by a damn spinning razor and all he got was a shallow wound. The poison thing doesn't count as an injury, because he didn't get it from a physical fight. I'm just saying that if a character can shoot down dozens of mutated humans without taking cover and not get shot, he needs to get reasonably roughed up to be realistic. Come on, it was like I was watching an old Filipino action movie! Bullets fly (lazers, in this case) and yet no injuries! Not even a little blood? Do I have to beg for people to get seriously hurt in this movie?
And don't get me started on the script. The plot has more holes than a strainer. Seriously, I could drain pasta with it. I appreciate the effort put into explaining the blind girl's powers, but there are too many skipped details and glazed over scenes. For example, I spent a whole minute laughing at the movie's use of a song to glaze over what might have been an action-filled sequence as Crisval roamed the alien base. I only realized later that Crisval didn't encounter any aliens or Mutanos because everyone seemed to have left the ship to attack the humans. Though it still strikes me as strange that Crisval didn't run into anybody when the female Mutano was there with a few Balangs. And there's the gas station scene, too. That was a waste of a good action scene. It concentrated way too much on Crisval, and I kept wondering what the teenagers were doing during most of it. Also, Ice/Strike must've been sleeping on the job if he didn't notice the aliens from his vantage point until the last second.
Some scenes or shots were so unrealistically done (script-wise and direction-wise) that they ended up being quite comical (to me, anyway).
Conclusion
The Filipino adventure movie industry still has a long way to go. However, it might not look it, but I liked this movie. Over all, there are some things to like from the film. Maybe you just have to sit back, shut down your mind and logic, and admire the pretty CG and Dos's close-ups.
Our first fic is from the Avatar: the Last Airbender fandom and called Ransom by Shadowgate31. Parts of the fic will be quoted here, but no way in hell did I write this
Here's how our writer summarizes the story: "When Zuko kidnaps Sokka, will love blossom? Or just a bitter hatred?" *facepalms* You can't believe how much shit is out there featuring these two guys. What I can't believe is how slash spawned from a NICKELODEON show, which caters to 13-year-old kids. Anime I can understand. I mean, the bishies are just asking for it, looking all girly and being twinkley-eyed all the time. You can't blame people when anime guys pose with other guys with their shirts half open . But a kiddie show? *facepalms again* Maybe I shouldn't be surprised after seeing that Spongebob Squarepants slash.
...Forget I mentioned that.
While I pour more potent acid into my skull to get rid of that memory again, here's my 'review' of Ransom.
* * *
Chapter 1 is pretty short, and narrates how Zuko kidnaps Sokka to lure Aang out. Uh-huh... where have I heard that before? Shadowgate31 probably has no idea how many Zuko-captures-Sokka fics there are out there. *shakes head gravely* But let's give the author the benefit of the doubt, coz maybe during the publishing of her story, the idea wasn't so old? But besides the cliche plot, I have some other qualms.
Here's some trivia. The first four paragraphs start with the same word: Zuko. I'd understand two paragraphs, but four? Tsk, tsk.(1)
His (Zuko) ship had landed on a small beach nearby and he was now following a small stream he had noticed. And for some reason his uncle had made him take some rope.... And why did uncle make me bring rope. 'Just when you need it most, you might not have any.'Faultless logic! I'm impressed!
...Yeah right.' "Yes, Katara, I know! You don't have to tell me to wash behind my ears!"The Enter key is your friend. Use it.(2)
He followed Sokka (A/N: I went ahead and used his name because we all know who it is.) to a point at the river where the boy stopped.Whoah. What the hell? Who's A/N? (3)
"Keep struggling and you die." He hissed menacingly in Sokka's ear. Sokka quit biting down on Zuko's hand and went limp. He knew there was no point struggling, and he was too far away for Katara and Aang to hear him if he got a chance to scream.Nah. I'm pretty sure Sokka wouldn't have screamed. He does a sillier sound. Don't take my word for it; watch the series.
Zuko pulled his hand away from Sokka's mouth and used both his hands to pulled Sokka's arms behind his back. He grabbed the rope from his belt and tied Sokka's wrists together. "Smart boy. You know you're too far away for your friends to hear." Sokka didn't answer. He was too busy thinking of a way to escape. Zuko suddenly turned him around and gripped his shoulder painfully. "Don't even think of trying to escape. If you try, you'll pay dearly." Zuko created a flame in the palm of his other hand and held it close to Sokka's cheek.Did you read that whole paragraph? Poor you. What I was only trying to point out was, USE THE ENTER KEY.
"He's a friend of the avatars. I found him while I was out walking. And you were right uncle, I did need rope." Iroh sighed. "Why did you kidnap one of the avatars friends? What is your plan?" Zuko smirked. "Easy. I have one of the avatars friends. He'll come after him, and then we can capture the avatar." Sokka snorted again.Haha. Yeah, I'd snort too, Sokka. That's rock-hard logic right there. I mean, there he was, near enough to hear you TALKING TO KATARA, and he didn't go after your camp, he actually followed you to a river so he could kidnap you while you tried to get your shirt off.
"We'll see. Now continue walking. I'm taking you up to my quarters." This time Sokka walked behind Zuko, having no choice since Zuko had a tight grip on his shirt.Holy SHIT this Zuko is fast. Run, Sokka, RUUUUUN! (also, don't they have cells below deck?)
When Zuko reached his quarters, he wrenched the door open and threw Sokka onto his bed.
Sokka felt like crying for messing up so bad, but he held it in and soon fell alseep, having nothing else to do.Whoah, whoah. Hold on there. Is this THE same Sokka we're talking about? He's more persistent than that, you know. Ropes won't stop him from thinking. He's in a room, he's smart, THERE'S NO GUARD INSIDE.
TBC...Can't argue with that kind of logic.
Sorry to leave you hanging like that. And yes, I do know that most of my chapters end with somebody falling alseep. So what? I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter!
Let's pause for a while to give some helpful tips. Those numbers actually mean something.
(1) Dunno if this only goes for journalism, but don't start several succeeding paragraphs with the same word.
(2) Start a new paragraph whenever someone else speaks. And I mean WHENEVER. Makes it less confusing as to who's talking.
(3) Place your notes AFTER or BEFORE the fic, not between. It destroys the flow of the story.
So what have we learned so far, folks?
-Iroh practices divination.
-Zuko is horny and logical.
Now let's go on to the
Sokka was awoken several hours later by Zuko, who had wrenched his door open and slammed it shut, just like before. He had a tray of food in his hands. Sokka watched him warily as he walked to the bed and set it there.It still bothers me that they don't have their own holding cells in the ship. I mean, Zuko's hunting the Avatar, so he should have prepared to keep him, right? What, he plans to keep Aang in his room too? (And the better-than-thou prince is going out of his way to feed a prisoner?)
"Ugh, turn around you stupid peasant. I need to untie your hands so you can eat." Sokka hesitated too long for Zuko's liking and he grabbed the front of the boy's shirt and dragged him forward.Zuko: Dammit, the guards outside are going to hear you and tell my uncle I'm--oh right, I'm just feeding you.
Sokka cried out in surprise and Zuko clasped a hand over his mouth. "Quiet! I'm not hurting you." He hissed.
He opened the door in an almost gentle manner. One of his crewmembers was with him. "Are you finished eating?" He asked softly. Sokka nodded, wondering what had caused this change in the prince.I was wondering about the same thing. He's so different it's scary.
Zuko sat down near Sokka, who scooted away. "Don't be afraid of me. I won't hurt you." Sokka didn't believe him and stayed as far away as possible. "I believe your name is Sokka, is that right?" Sokka nodded. "Don't worry, I'm not going to question you about the avatar.Sokka: YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYTHING FROM ME- what?
"What would be the point of letting me go? With Aang captured, the world has no chance." Zuko was shocked by his words.God, even the characters themselves are noticing how OOC each other is.
When he had first brought the boy here, he was energetic and always seemed to have a come back. Now he looked so melancholy.
"Your country? Honor? How do expect to gain those things back by taking away the worlds only hope?" Zuko punched the wall and flames swirled around his fist. "Don't question me! I'll do as I please!"Whoo! IC Zuko, finally! (Something tells me this will be the last semblance of his canon personality)
Sokka laughed bitterly and a few tears fell from his eyes.So Sokka has turned into a cry baby. Well la-deeh-dah.
"Fine. Gain your country and honor back. But when you do, kill me. I don't want to live in a world with no hope." Zuko looked back at him in surprise. Tears were flowing silently from his eyes down his cheeks, and he seemed serious about what he had said.
TBC...
Not much to say after that, really. Same errors: bad paragraphing, vague and/or random character motivation, OOC-ness...you gotta hand it to Shadowgate31 for being consistent.
Moving on...
All the crewmembers knew to leave Zuko alone while he was meditating. Even if they were curious, it just wasn't worth getting on the prince's bad side. And Zuko indeed did not want to be disturbed. (A/N: But it would defeat the purpose of my title if someone didn't.)Whoever this A/N is, he/she needs to shut up and stop popping out at random parts of the story.
Iroh, who never seemed to fear Zuko's temper tantrums, kept talking to his nephew. "Zuko, perhaps it would be better to let the poor boy go. You didn't exactly leave the avatar a clue that it was you who had taken him."Finally, someone who has sense in this story!
Zuko rubbed his temple. "Uncle, who else would do it?"Don't encourage him, Iroh!
"Well, I'm sure that there are plenty of people. He is a handsome boy you know."
Zuko sighed and leaned against the railing. "He said that when I have captured the avatar, he wants me to kill him, because he doesn't want to live in a world with no hope, and he sounded so sincere."Zuko talking to his uncle like this in season 1? Maybe in a dozen or more episodes.
"Makes sense. Who would want to live in a world were you had no hope for anything at all?" "I suppose. But what am I to do uncle? If I don't capture the avatar, how can I ever return home?""Man, this is confusing." "Who the hell said that?" "I did." "I did?" "I did, you douche bag."
"He is not my friend. And I don't care if he's upset." "Oh, but I think you do care." Zuko snorted again. "What put that thought in your head?" Iroh sighed and wandered off to get some tea.Iroh DEFINITELY has psychic powers. Maybe he got it from the tea.
Sokka was asleep, curled up on the bed. He looked so peaceful and young that Zuko felt a pang of guilt in his heart. 'Why do I feel guilty? For kidnapping him, or for putting him through this?'Sokka looks fine to me. Well fed, sleeping on a prince's bed, nothing to do but lie down and sleep...hell, I'd trade that for a weekend at home. I'm also starting to wonder where Zuko plans to sleep.
He sighed and stepped in, making sure he didn't make a sound. He sat on the edge of the bed, still staring at Sokka's face. He raised a hand and gently brushed a few fingers across the water tribe boy's cheek. Sokka stirred slightly and his eyes fluttered open. For a moment, he just stared up at Zuko, neither hating nor fearing him, then recognition set in.Rape! RAAAAAAAAAPE!
"What were you doing?" Sokka asked. "Nothing, I was just, watching you."Yeah right, and Santa Claus has pot sessions with the Easter Bunny.
Sokka freaked. "Why were you watching me?!" Zuko panicked. "C-calm down, stop yelling. I didn't mean to watch you, I just came in to make sure you were okay." Sokka squirmed away from Zuko, who was attempting to grasp Sokka's shoulders. "Why do you care if I'm okay?"This scene would have worked if it were a whiney girl in Sokka's place.
"Because I'd feel bad if you died while in my care." He said softly. Sokka's eyes widened slightly as the prince's lips met his.OH SHIT. Here it is.
Or not. Whew!
"It's all right, I'm not mad. I was a little depressed earlier, but I'm fine now." He brought his eyes back level with Zuko's. "Why'd you kiss me?"He's gay, Sokka. I expect you to stop being clueless now. It's just not you.
"Oh, now that I've kissed you, you're not scared of me? Is that how it works in the water tribe?" He asked jokingly. Sokka blushed. "No! It's not. It's just, I realized, you're not so bad." He avoided Zuko's gaze.If you listen carefully, you can hear the hundreds of dolphins that die screaming deaths because of gay fluff poisoning. And I told you Zuko would never be IC again.
"Compared to what?" Zuko asked. Sokka thought for a moment then made a face. "Compared to Zhao." Zuko grimaced slightly. "Good point." Sokka tried to stifle a laugh, but didn't succeed. "Ah ha, is that a laugh I hear? And a smile I see?" Zuko was playfully teasing him. Sokka didn't think it was possible for the prince to be playful; it made him laugh harder and a grin spread over his face. Zuko found himself smiling slightly; Sokka's good attitude was contagious. Zuko wished he could stay there in that moment forever.
"Zuko, sir, Zhao's ship has been... has been spotted." The soldier said breathlessly. Zuko cursed under his breath. "Sokka, stay put. No matter what, do not leave this room." Zuko commanded as he left with the crewmember. Sokka stared at the door sadly for a moment before lying down. 'I hope everything's all right. Zhao's evil.'Evil? What, is that all you can come up with now, Sokka? Have you lost your wit? What has that bastard DONE to you? *cries*
Oh, just read the next chapter so I can curl in a corner and weep!
"Zuko, is everything okay?" Zuko sank onto the bed. He looked shaken and tense. Sokka sat up and scooted closer to him. "Zuko?"I wouldn't go near him if I were you.
*CENSORED*Told you not to go near him.
"Yes?" Sokka gave him a tired smile. "I think I might be falling in love with you." He wrapped his arms around Zuko, leaning his forehead on Zuko's chest. The prince somehow managed to untangle the sheet from their bodies and laid it on top of them. They would have to clean up later since Sokka had already fallen asleep. "I think I might love you too." He whispered, letting himself drift to sleep.After you have gagged from the early confessions in this paragraph, you probably start to think something hot happened. Actually, it didn't. There was just an awkward sex scene that showed the author's lack of knowledge of good foreplay and human anatomy. Here's a
Zuko: There's something on your neck.
Sokka: Ew! Get it off!
Zuko: *licks it off*
Sokka: Hey, thanks!
Zuko: No prob.
Sokka: ...
Zuko: ...
Sokka:...
Zuko: So, uh, wanna have buttsecks?
Sokka: Sure!
Zuko: I call top.
Oh, and because of a lack of lube, they had to make do with salivation.
...Yeah, you shouldn't have read that.
The author had this to say:
Well, it certainly was M material. And they haven't quite confessed their love for each other, but they're getting there.What the hell? Weren't those as good as confessions of love already? And I thought guys were all straight talk!
The author is better off writing about straight couples. The big difference between a girl and a guy (bottom) during sex? Natural lubricants. Get your crap to be real hard and dry, then go the the bathroom, and think about it. It'll come to you.
Know what, I'll stop here. Yep. Even if this fic isn't finished and there's a chapter already posted. It's just too much baseless romance.
Like I said, if the writing can pull it off, I'm okay with it. Unfortunately, this piece of work was rushed, and little was actually thought out, especially how the characters should be acting under certain situations. You want to write mush like this, fine. But use other characters that can actually fit in it. I've read better Zuko-captures-Sokka yaoi before.
Seriously, I have.
What?
Why not just make another blog, you say? I dunno. Because I'm lazy? Because my blog needed a revamp anyway? You don't need to know.
Now let's get to the topic at hand: bashing fics. Bashing is what me and my friends call the callous tearing apart of profiles in the roleplay sites we're at. We check everything: grammar, spelling, plot holes, logic, length and detail. It is in this way will I scrutinize fanfics I come across on the internet. Why? Wouldn't you like to know. *rolls eyes*
Before anyone finds my fanfiction.net account and reads my old stories, then comes here to diss me for being a hypocrite, I'll go ahead and admit it. I'm a fanfic writer. Not even a great one, or a popular one. Hell, I still a LONG way to go to before being called a "good writer". I'll admit, there was a time in my life when I made self-inserts and PWP, but the great difference I have with the greater number of fanfic writers today is that I did not post those crapfics on the internet. Back then, I didn't even know the internet existed.
That did me good. Because back then, there was no way to connect with other weirdos like me, no way they could fill my head with praise such as "OMG I luv dat paring make more pls" or "This is a great fic keep it up!".
What I got was "You're a fucking pervert" and "Hey, is that character YOU? Pfft." and the very helpful "That went too fast. It was like they humped each other for no reason." (Remind me to thank my friends in high school). And in that period where I was deciding whether to go on writing, a miracle happened. My entire collection of bad stories disappeared, perhaps now in a landfill somewhere, under piles of some other filth. Or maybe it's not, and those pages are now circulating within the black market of my old high school (let's just hope it's the former). It was a sign from GOD. I had to repent! To change my ways and-
Okay. Sorry 'bout that. What I'm trying to say is, fanfic writers should be criticized, and their fanfics should be
So, if you see your fic here, be thankful. I'm doing you (and the world) a favor.